Today I have made a realization. I must be a gypsy.
Because, while somewhere within me, I wish for a place to call my own, a home, with some land, a garden, maybe a small aviary, the majority is completely resistant to that thought. Home is not a place, and in my life, homes have been very much undependable. David and I have both grown up moving every few years. At one time I thought, that was terrible, and I never want to do that to my kids. However, I think the tragedy for me was not in the moving, but in that the one place we did end up always coming back to is the one I disliked the most. So naturally, I do not want to be anywhere near there, and am not despite my mother's urging. When I think of the things I love the most about being alive, I don't think about anything having to do with 'settling down' somewhere in some town, in someplace. I have done so much thinking on this, trying to convince myself I would be perfectly happy in some little house down in Texas near my family, maybe Austin. You know, I would not be happy. I am happy now, where we are, planning for the future, our goals and dreams. It is a big world out there, and there are a dozen places calling my name. I can't for the life of me imagine putting down roots right now. I think it might be my age, but on the other hand, I know people my age that are excited about getting settled. I want to go and discover. For now, there are two places I am considering. I would love to experience Canada, a maybe just for a couple of years, and of course Scotland. What about my kids? I don't know. What about my kids. I suppose there will be a time that they will want to stay put for awhile...and I suppose they will have a hard time figuring out exactly what 'home' is. Or will they?

I am not done with this subject. It is a constant evaluation within me. I think it is the pressure my mother puts on me about living in Texas. I don't feel like I should live where she would like me to live. I should go where I please. When my little girls, sweet and beautiful as they are want to go, wherever it is they want to go when they are grown, I will be happy. Because I know the drive within, I know the great things out there, and I want them to know them too. It is what being alive is all about. Feeling the chill in the air at 11,000 ft., putting your feet in the Atlantic Ocean, sleeping under a million stars, feeling the rush of a waterfall, seeing the beauty in all creatures and all lands everywhere.